Keeping Up

If I have learned one thing about myself as an adult, it's that things are rarely as bad as they seem before you actually get started.
As a child, I hated imperfection. A general term, but one nonetheless that could encompass whatever I thought was 'wrong' with something. Perfect to me meant arriving somewhere on time, dressed appropriately and prepared. If I was going to be late to dance class, I would rather just skip it. If I could get there on time but wasn't prepared or dressed (or whatever) properly, again I'd rather not go at all. My fears were in the faces of those who would notice. Notice that something had messed up the plan somewhere along the line and that I couldn't keep up with what I felt were my responsibilities. Fast forward to college and it continued. Woke up late for class; a 'normal' person might throw on sweat pants, forgo the makeup and get there a few minutes late because what mattered was getting there for the lesson. I, would curl into a ball and imagine the hundreds of faces watching me slink to the back of the room as I interrupted the lecture with my crazy ponytail attempt to cover up bedhead.
Therapy for my OCD helped me transition through these feelings to the place I am now. I might not arrive exactly on time and I might not look perfect, but I can find a comfortable medium for myself. I'm no longer paralyzed by a fear of 'imperfection' like I once was. Today I know it's never all-or-nothing. Rarely are there cases where it would be best for me to just stay home instead of being a few minutes late. I am thankful to have had the help I did in understanding this.

Sometimes I look back and can't believe how much more a relaxed person I am now than I was just over 5 years ago.

Recently I have started planning out the work I'll need to do in order to build my inventory for GLAM and Atomic Holiday Bazaar. All lumped together it's incredibly overwhelming. When I break it down though, I can see there is a reasonable amount of work but that it's not impossible.
Not so impossible seeming that I feel like I should just quit, like I should just not waste my time starting because I won't be able to finish everything as 'perfectly' as I want.
All I have to do is work at it, slowly, and enough will get done so that I feel accomplished. So that I will feel competent and that I have put forth enough energy.

Last week I did enamel on Monday night like I swore to myself I would. I finished 5 small teardrop pendants and they're ready for assembly once I drill the metal flowers. This Monday, I let myself off the hook because I wanted to relax with Collin on our anniversary. Tuesday we wanted to take Early on a long walk so that we could wear her out before trying to endure the hell that is clipping her nails. Last night we were dog-sitting for a friend and I didn't think that I could concentrate and maneuver around two big happy dogs while working. Tonight is my favorite TV night. One night after another of potential work gone because I am not prioritizing what I need to. Or, what I tell myself I should be prioritizing.

I'm rambling, and thinking 'out loud' here about all of this. But I feel that with everything I've learned about myself, I should be able to relax and allow myself to not have guilt over choosing other 'work' or even play over this work I have weighing on me. Then again, once I allow myself the luxury of not worrying about getting this done I feel anxious all over about not keeping up.

What I really need to remind myself is that last year I had from now to the middle of November to fire and assemble and order all my supplies for GLAM. And I needed to conceptualize and execute my entire setup and branding and pricing.
If I can do that and be well-received and successful. I can do this too. I know the shows are a little bigger, but the work is faster and I am better now at what I do.
I can do this.
I just have to get myself to.
'Good enough' is good enough, and I will never accomplish everything I want to in a day. Things take time and when it's all done I will look back and think, "that work wasn't as bad as it seemed".