scared shitless

This summer will bring some changes in the lives of Lindsey and Collin over the next coming months. One big awesome amazing happy thing for the both of us, and two big things for me that will ultimately affect him - one good, one bad.
Well, that depends on how you classify good and bad I suppose.

Let's get that bad news out of the way, shall we?



I'm going to the dentist.

Ugh. The dentist.
Here is where I confess something terrible:
It has been nearly 6 years since I last visited the dentist. For anything. Even back then at that last appointment I was in need of the two things that I need now. Both scare the crap out of me and are so expensive that I just couldn't get myself back there to take care of it. Years of putting this to the farthest back of all burners has made it an almost immediate concern.
But now, I have this lovely thing called dental insurance. Maybe this is nothing new to you, but for me it is a lifelong first. I have actually had said insurance for one whole year now but because there is a year long waiting period for specific procedure coverage, I have been waiting still.

Or putting it off because I am still so freaked out.
That's a bit more honest there.

First thing first, I need a crown. I chipped a middle molar back in high school. A little ding off the side where the original tooth was worn thin thanks to a filling put in years before. I chipped this tooth on gum (?). It never bothered me but it chipped again a couple years later and then at the last appointment I had it was clean and healthy but needed a crown. Something that took longer than the one week I was home over winter break my freshman year of college. Since then my putting it off has been about time and money. When can I take days to recover, when will I have a thousand bucks to cover dental work??
Never, that's when.
Until now, with insurance that covers 50-80% of the cost and at least a couple remaining paid vacation days in the bank to cushion the blow that is taking off work.

Also, those damn wisdom teeth. The top two have been through the gums and in place for several years now. They had room but I know they need to come out because they can't be properly cleaned back there. The bottom two are another story; impacted and coming through the gums anyway they have ruined the orthodontic work done on my bottom teeth back in middle school for sure. My jaw clicks and aches sometimes. I know this has to be fixed.
Again, when do I have the time for major oral surgery and the thousands of dollars to cover the costs?? Only now.
And it is only now that I can go in to see someone even for a routine cleaning because I have been so ashamed of not being able to take care of those bigger problems that I wouldn't let a dentist in there when I could well afford the regularly scheduled shit.

Ugh. I am honestly terrified. I am anxious over pain, over them telling me it's worse than it is, over the embarrassment of neglecting my teeth for so long. I am worried the crown will never be right (previous problems my mom had) and that I'll get some crazy infection and will be put on antibiotics only to have some severe allergic reaction. I don't even have an epi-pen yet. I have never had surgery or anesthesia - I am freaked the fuck out over saying or doing something weird/vulgar/bitchy/crazy while I'm under. These are the things that scare me the most.
The other thing is the money. I'm worried that we can't afford this (even though we have to some way or another) and that it's one more thing that will keep us from getting out of debt. Something we've been working really hard on together.
So yeah, wish me luck in August after our birthdays. I'm still waiting until then for my first appointment because the coverage for major procedures doesn't kick in until September 1. I have a hunch that once they see what is in there, they will want to start fixing it right away.

My only comfort is Collin. I am put at ease knowing he will be taking care of me while I recover. I am happy knowing he has a flexible schedule and will be there for me when I need him. When he tells me not to worry about the money, I don't so much. I know he will never resent me for needing this and needing to spend our money on this. He's even already seen me in a terrible and embarrassingly incapacitated state thanks to vodka, my bridesmaids and my bachelorette party. I love him.
So, there's the bad.


The good for me is that I will be featured in a SRQ gallery/boutique along with Collin's mom, sister and the other Betty's. So many of his mom's friends are truly talented (herself included - pottery what?) and I'm really flattered that she thought to include me and invite me to exhibit at the show.
Of course, this would spark my motivation for a full on enamel debut. I have been working for the past few weeks since learning of the show to get my shit together and really start something.
My goals are to make over 50 pieces for this show with 20 pieces or so to put on a newly designed and launched Etsy.com store site. I want to design and print business cards to set out with my work while it is for sale at the gallery to spread the word and encourage people who don't find exactly what they love to contact me about custom art. I want to start branding myself and my product.
I am totally excited and totally scared about putting myself out there like this. I have the potential to make some real money here and that also puts other worries in my head. I have been talking about this since I got my kiln a year ago and I am glad I've had the time to play and create gifts and keep it my hobby. I am worried though that with it as a job, it will lose the fun. I think this will be something I have to consciously not stress out about. Something that I need to purposefully keep simple and uncomplicated.
Something I know very little about.
I have 2.5 months remaining until the exhibit opening on October 2nd (our first anniversary weekend!) and I think I will be just fine.


However... and here's the part about the big awesome totally rad exciting wonderful thing involving the both of us...

We're adopting a dog!

Thought I'd be knocked up, yeah? No.
Collin and I have been talking about a dog for quite a long time now. Discussing when the best time was, when we would have the money and space. What about Gabe's cats? Gabe doesn't want a dog.
Well, Gabe is moving out. In less than two weeks now we will be welcoming this sweet girl into our lives.

Internet, meet Early.
This little girl has been in foster care for far too long and we are so so so so excited to bring her home next week. I'm even taking two days off for "maternity leave" to spend time getting to know her and getting used to a new schedule.
Collin is nothing but excited - I however am still a little scared. I've never had a dog before and I am trusting Collin to help me learn how to be a good doggymom to this one here. I know she belongs with us - we've even had our eyes on her from the start. It's just hard not to be anxious about the start of something new, whether it's good or bad or just different.

I've found myself nesting in the middle of all these new things. Mostly in preparation for the pup's arrival, I just want everything clean. I want to welcome her and spend our time together hanging out having fun with no worries about chores or to-do lists. It's also in part because Gabe is moving and I'm unearthing items that haven't been used in years - that may be part of it...

Right now I am trying to concentrate on the present before it becomes the past. I am appreciating my quiet morning routine, my lucky (while he is my only, my goodboy) and my messy house full of Gabe before he heads out to move in with his own love.

This life is a good one, even with changes on the horizon.
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The Luck of the Irish

You probably don't know that Collin and I are ridiculously scotch-irish, but we are.
With a surname like McLeod, it's pretty much given away. I've always felt lucky that Collin's last name allowed me to still represent part of my heritage after our marriage. It's probably a big part of why the decision to change my name was so easy to make.

I do consider myself a generally lucky person. Come on, my cat is even named Lucky! Celebrating St. Patrick's day was a yearly tradition for both of us. Growing up two blocks from my paternal grandparents meant I got to go for a dinner of corned beef and cabbage, carrots and potatoes. Nothing fancy, just dinner as usual - but somehow special. Really I'm just another white American girl. But on St. Patrick's day I can remember that of the many families that make up my tree, most hail from the same corner of the globe.







That photo is us two years ago. Yes, I did just erase that last sentence after looking at the file name again to see that it was indeed from 2007. More and more it seems I am reminded of how fast time passes and small the world really is.
That year, Collin's parents took us on vacation to Epcot for a day with a night in a nice hotel before hand. Now, we're in Gainesville so it's not really that much of a trip but any time spent at Disney is what I call a vacation. Epcot is totally my favorite Disney park. I know, you say, "it's boring" but no way! The World Showcase is amazing, and Future World has its finer parts. I went on "Living With The Land" (a ride inside - you guessed it - "The Land") for the first time on that trip and they have the most amazing hydroponic fruit and vegetable gardens. Big trellised pumpkins trained into a Mickey-head shape, canopies of tomatoes and conveyor belts of organic herbs.
Good fun, that trip.
We spent lunch time in the UK of the World Showcase and ate such things as pasties, pastry-topped meat stew, and plenty of green beers.
Thankfully Erin and I thought ahead and made reservations.
I say "thankfully" because food will always play a big part in my celebrating St. Patrick's day. I'm not sure if I only make these dishes once a year because I only crave them around this time or if it's because I want to keep them really special.
Last year was a dinner for two; a quiet night at home after work.
This year was a party!
My fellow Irish lady Rachel (former roommate and actual Ireland traveler) helped me put together a feast for our friends. This past weekend was incredibly fun. Cooking and sharing food with people we love, that's all I need.



The menu for the night was delicious! I have to say, we were pretty creative in altering some recipes to make them party friendly. Things started later than dinner time so that the night could run late and give those working enough time to join us. Traditional whole corned beef and steamed cabbage wasn't going to work too well. I'm not sure how appetizing all of that would be to those who didn't grow up with it either. Instead, we came up with this:

Savory

Shepherd's Tarts
corned beef and peas in pastry shells, topped
with mashed potatoes

Cabbage Hand-Pies
pastry pockets filled with cabbage, potatoes and mushrooms

Reuben Braidscorned beef, sauerkraut, 1000 island dressing and
irish blarney cheese in a braided crescent roll dough

Herbed Cheese and Crackers
okay, not Irish in any way - but tasty!


Sweet

Banoffee Pie
toffee and fresh sliced banana in a graham crust, topped with
banana pudding and fresh unsweetened whipped cream

Shamrock Sugar Cookies

a not-too sweet sugar cookie with royal icing

Car Bomb Cupcakesguinness chocolate cupcakes filled with Scotch whiskey ganache,

topped with a Bailey's Irish buttercream frosting
Edits were made to this recipe from smittenkitchen


Drink

Black and Tan

guinness stout + bass ale

Golden
harp lager + bass ale

Half and Half
guinness stout + harp lager

Irish Car Bomb
guinness + a shot (1/2 whiskey + 1/2 bailey's)

Black Velvet
guinness + champagne

People ate a lot of food, drank good Irish beer (of which very few were green), and in general had a good time. We'd downloaded some music; the Chieftains, Dropkick Murphy's, the Pogues, and the like.

We had plenty of leftovers to share with those who couldn't make it. We even had some left over for ourselves (but not so much that we had to throw any away). Perfect.



Next year I'll be making the car bomb cupcakes again. They are now a McLeod family tradition.
I loved the reuben braid even though I don't like traditional reubens. It was the absence of the rye bread for sure. ick.
On St. Patrick's day proper I used the little leftover meat we had to make some corned beef hash with eggs and blarney cheese. It hit the spot after already chowing down on dinnertime favorites.


Slainte to all the Irish among us!

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.

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