scared shitless

This summer will bring some changes in the lives of Lindsey and Collin over the next coming months. One big awesome amazing happy thing for the both of us, and two big things for me that will ultimately affect him - one good, one bad.
Well, that depends on how you classify good and bad I suppose.

Let's get that bad news out of the way, shall we?

I'm going to the dentist.

Ugh. The dentist.
Here is where I confess something terrible:
It has been nearly 6 years since I last visited the dentist. For anything. Even back then at that last appointment I was in need of the two things that I need now. Both scare the crap out of me and are so expensive that I just couldn't get myself back there to take care of it. Years of putting this to the farthest back of all burners has made it an almost immediate concern.
But now, I have this lovely thing called dental insurance. Maybe this is nothing new to you, but for me it is a lifelong first. I have actually had said insurance for one whole year now but because there is a year long waiting period for specific procedure coverage, I have been waiting still.

Or putting it off because I am still so freaked out.
That's a bit more honest there.

First thing first, I need a crown. I chipped a middle molar back in high school. A little ding off the side where the original tooth was worn thin thanks to a filling put in years before. I chipped this tooth on gum (?). It never bothered me but it chipped again a couple years later and then at the last appointment I had it was clean and healthy but needed a crown. Something that took longer than the one week I was home over winter break my freshman year of college. Since then my putting it off has been about time and money. When can I take days to recover, when will I have a thousand bucks to cover dental work??
Never, that's when.
Until now, with insurance that covers 50-80% of the cost and at least a couple remaining paid vacation days in the bank to cushion the blow that is taking off work.

Also, those damn wisdom teeth. The top two have been through the gums and in place for several years now. They had room but I know they need to come out because they can't be properly cleaned back there. The bottom two are another story; impacted and coming through the gums anyway they have ruined the orthodontic work done on my bottom teeth back in middle school for sure. My jaw clicks and aches sometimes. I know this has to be fixed.
Again, when do I have the time for major oral surgery and the thousands of dollars to cover the costs?? Only now.
And it is only now that I can go in to see someone even for a routine cleaning because I have been so ashamed of not being able to take care of those bigger problems that I wouldn't let a dentist in there when I could well afford the regularly scheduled shit.

Ugh. I am honestly terrified. I am anxious over pain, over them telling me it's worse than it is, over the embarrassment of neglecting my teeth for so long. I am worried the crown will never be right (previous problems my mom had) and that I'll get some crazy infection and will be put on antibiotics only to have some severe allergic reaction. I don't even have an epi-pen yet. I have never had surgery or anesthesia - I am freaked the fuck out over saying or doing something weird/vulgar/bitchy/crazy while I'm under. These are the things that scare me the most.
The other thing is the money. I'm worried that we can't afford this (even though we have to some way or another) and that it's one more thing that will keep us from getting out of debt. Something we've been working really hard on together.
So yeah, wish me luck in August after our birthdays. I'm still waiting until then for my first appointment because the coverage for major procedures doesn't kick in until September 1. I have a hunch that once they see what is in there, they will want to start fixing it right away.

My only comfort is Collin. I am put at ease knowing he will be taking care of me while I recover. I am happy knowing he has a flexible schedule and will be there for me when I need him. When he tells me not to worry about the money, I don't so much. I know he will never resent me for needing this and needing to spend our money on this. He's even already seen me in a terrible and embarrassingly incapacitated state thanks to vodka, my bridesmaids and my bachelorette party. I love him.
So, there's the bad.

The good for me is that I will be featured in a SRQ gallery/boutique along with Collin's mom, sister and the other Betty's. So many of his mom's friends are truly talented (herself included - pottery what?) and I'm really flattered that she thought to include me and invite me to exhibit at the show.
Of course, this would spark my motivation for a full on enamel debut. I have been working for the past few weeks since learning of the show to get my shit together and really start something.
My goals are to make over 50 pieces for this show with 20 pieces or so to put on a newly designed and launched Etsy.com store site. I want to design and print business cards to set out with my work while it is for sale at the gallery to spread the word and encourage people who don't find exactly what they love to contact me about custom art. I want to start branding myself and my product.
I am totally excited and totally scared about putting myself out there like this. I have the potential to make some real money here and that also puts other worries in my head. I have been talking about this since I got my kiln a year ago and I am glad I've had the time to play and create gifts and keep it my hobby. I am worried though that with it as a job, it will lose the fun. I think this will be something I have to consciously not stress out about. Something that I need to purposefully keep simple and uncomplicated.
Something I know very little about.
I have 2.5 months remaining until the exhibit opening on October 2nd (our first anniversary weekend!) and I think I will be just fine.

However... and here's the part about the big awesome totally rad exciting wonderful thing involving the both of us...

We're adopting a dog!

Thought I'd be knocked up, yeah? No.
Collin and I have been talking about a dog for quite a long time now. Discussing when the best time was, when we would have the money and space. What about Gabe's cats? Gabe doesn't want a dog.
Well, Gabe is moving out. In less than two weeks now we will be welcoming this sweet girl into our lives.

Internet, meet Early.
This little girl has been in foster care for far too long and we are so so so so excited to bring her home next week. I'm even taking two days off for "maternity leave" to spend time getting to know her and getting used to a new schedule.
Collin is nothing but excited - I however am still a little scared. I've never had a dog before and I am trusting Collin to help me learn how to be a good doggymom to this one here. I know she belongs with us - we've even had our eyes on her from the start. It's just hard not to be anxious about the start of something new, whether it's good or bad or just different.

I've found myself nesting in the middle of all these new things. Mostly in preparation for the pup's arrival, I just want everything clean. I want to welcome her and spend our time together hanging out having fun with no worries about chores or to-do lists. It's also in part because Gabe is moving and I'm unearthing items that haven't been used in years - that may be part of it...

Right now I am trying to concentrate on the present before it becomes the past. I am appreciating my quiet morning routine, my lucky (while he is my only, my goodboy) and my messy house full of Gabe before he heads out to move in with his own love.

This life is a good one, even with changes on the horizon.